Today was a hard day. I've had bronchitis for almost 2 weeks. I'm on antibiotics which comes with its own little list of side effects. I am on Enbrel which causes my immune system to be suppressed. Therefore I can not take it because I need my immune system to be able to fight off the bronchitis. So, this will be my second week not having my shot of Enbrel, and that is causing me to have the lovely joy of a flair up in every joint in my body, and feeling exhausted the second I wake up in the morning. Joy.
I was fortunate that J was here the first part of the day to help take care of Muffin, and the other half Muffin went with my mom to play with her cousins. That left me, home, alone with my body who seems to hate me. When J left for work, and my mom took Muffin, I couldn't help but feel a little like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz: A lonely pile of rubbish, unable to move and bend, left here to rust alone. None of this of course is the fault of my family. It's mostly me just feeling sorry for myself, but nonetheless I do feel alone a lot. From where I'm lying (While being bedridden waiting for knee surgeries) I feel like all I see is people coming and going. Do they know how lucky they are to be able to go out into the world? I ask myself. You never know how much you are truly blessed with until it is taken away. It does go both ways though. Do I know how lucky I am to be able to rest when I need to? This is not a luxury they have as they are mostly running around doing their duties and mine.
It is important to try and stay positive on days like these. So, I decided to change my attitude and look at my situation differently. As I thought of being a Tin Man (or woman in my case) I decided that instead of thinking of myself as lonely; it would be better to think of myself as being blessed with wonderful family and friends who help me as I travel down the yellow brick road of life just as Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Lion did for the Tin Man. And instead of a pile of rubbish, I would remember that I am of great worth. I mean a lot to my Heavenly Father and the people who love me just as the Tin Man was loved and cherished. As far as being unable to move and bend...well that one is hard to turn positive. However, the Tin Man held on until someone was able to come and help him become mobile again. That is something I also am doing. I am trying to have faith that there is someone along the road that will come into my life and help me walk again. Lastly, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the Tin Man was never left to rust alone. Are we ever left completely alone? The Tin Man was blessed with a great big heart, and he didn't even know it. He was always blessed with the gift to Love, and that will bring you through the toughest trials and the darkest places...IF you let it. I have A LOT of love in my life. I know that I am blessed in that area for sure. The love that I have for my Muffin, J, and my family is what keeps me fighting. That is priceless.
So, in changing my attitude, and looking at things in a positive way, I was able to smile. I was also able to enjoy the last few hours of my day, and J & Muffin were happy to come home to a happy wife and mommy. Everyone wins!